I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
