boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
