Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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