wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you made out with another girl for some wings
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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