i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
