I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
