like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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