is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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