if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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