Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
