Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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