My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize