Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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