we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
