I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
