there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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