laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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