Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
