She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
