there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
