i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's never too late to be topless.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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