is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
