He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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