this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
