At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
