Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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