What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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