he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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