nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
