she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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