The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
