I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
