She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
