I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
