Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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