i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
