stop calling my apartment porn island.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize