I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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