I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
