It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
