I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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