I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
