remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
