go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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