I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
