Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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