I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
