That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
