I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
