My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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