you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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