some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
