things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
