Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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