how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
