Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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