I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
