I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
