...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
