I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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