i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize