You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
