the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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